How do ninjas raise their children?

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk. Did he tell you what caliber to get?" asked the clerk." "Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesnt even know that I am going to shoot him!""

It'd probably be a whole lot cooler if it was a 007 brand and you could wake up to the "I'm James Bond and I just shot an evil foreigner" music.

Still, the concept is cool: set the alarm like it's a normal alarm clock, sleep with a plastic gun under your pillow, and when you want to shoot your alarm clock at 7am because the noise makes you cringe, just grab your piece and pop a cap in the clock, figuratively speaking -- hit the bullseye to shut off the alarm.

Rude awakening, meet Nintendo Entertainment System's popular game of enduring legacy, Duck Hunt. (Duck Hunt, meet rude awakening).

Even more impressive is that the designers built on the basic concept by allowing different modes, as illustrated in this helpful video.

It costs about the same as Duck Hunt did when it came out in the 1980s, but it does come in three colors.

Overall score: 75%

Justification: Good, expensive and slightly kitsch, but good

Snake Bite Emergency Kit?

A priest and a nun were lost in a blizzard. After a while, they came upon a small cabin. Being exhausted, they prepared to go to sleep. There was a stack of blankets and a sleeping bag on the floor - but only one bed. Being a gentleman, the priest said, "Sister, you sleep on the bed. I'll sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag."
Just as he got zipped up in the bag and was beginning to fall asleep, the nun said "Father, I'm cold."
He unzipped the sleeping bag, got up, got a blanket and put it on her. Once again, he got into the sleeping bag, zipped it up and started to drift off to sleep when the nun once again said, "Father, I'm still very cold."
He unzipped the bag, got up again, put another blanket on her and got into the sleeping bag once again. Just as his eyes closed, she said, "Father, I'm sooooo cold."
This time, he stayed in the sleeping bag, giving the woman a wink and a smile, then said, "Sister, I have an idea. We're out here in the wilderness where no one will ever know what happened. Let's pretend we're married."
The nun said, "Bring it on, big boy!" To which the priest yelled out, "Okay then - get up and get your own damn blanket!"

A sleeping bag shaped like a man!

I'm conflicted on this one. It is clearly an inventive product, but I ask myself, what is the need? I like to think this Selk Bag extends beyond mere novelty, that there is some purpose outside of sleepwalking for which this bag exists. I am left to think that it is solely to be able to move your arms around while keeping them warm, and also to ensure that you don't feel like George Costanza when he forgot to ask the hotel for "no tuck." I guess in many ways, this is the Jerry Seinfeld of sleeping bags, and regular shmoes like George are stuck with regular sleeping bags. OK, so there are other uses.


Wintercamping -- check
Snow angels -- check
Vitruvian man -- check


Still, what if you happen to be camping with a group of people, one of whom is the boy/girl you like and all you can say is, "hey want to sleep next to marshmallow man?" There's no doubling in these. And for people who can't sleep without feeling like they're being covered, this won't fly either.

Overall score: 76%
Justification: Comfortably ridiculous or ridiculously comfortable?


Title from the late, great Mitch Hedberg

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?

(I was looking for a good sex toy joke, but I found this video and it is far better than any joke.)


This bed sheet outlines several kama sutra positions and is available here; they call it the KarmaSheetra -- seems like a typo (should be kama?). You may need a cricket toy (see below) if a guest happens to catch an inadvertent glimpse of this laid out on your bed.





The Twister Duvet, which I'm not sure is available to buy online anymore, was a strong competitor for this product. I know which I like better, but I'll let the masses speak.

Online Surveys & Market Research

Of course, you could always just buy a book with many more positions, but this is more interactive, and that's more fun.

Overall score: 80%
Justification: It's sexy picnic time

Punchline for title is crude but humorous... you've been warned