Mitch Lives On!

mitch hedberg on pringles - Watch more Funny Videos

The first joke about Pringles Potato Chips in this video is a well known quip by fans of the late Mitch Hedberg. The target is of course Pringles' tubular packaging that looks not unlike tennis ball packaging.

Exhibit "A"

Exhibit "B"

According to Wikipedia, three tennis balls will fit in the Pringles container.

So there I was standing in Sainsbury's in Edinburgh, a Scottish grocery chain, when I saw these specially packaged Pringles

The only thing they left out was, "Hey Mitch, sorry you're dead, but..."

Would this packaging would be found funny by those unaware of the Hedberg joke? Can the delivery of the joke on the label can match the Hedberg delivery? We may never know.

The funnier thing for Pringles to do would be to make promotional tennis balls, or promotional special edition tennis ball flavored chips. Who else likes the smell of fresh tennis balls? God bless chemicals.

Overall Score: 77%

Justification: Pringles are still a god among chips

The Slushie Guru

Q: Why did the dick go to the 7-11?

A: To get a slurpee

Make off colored jokes, like the above, obsolete with product that will slushify naturally sugared (ie non-diet) beverages -- the Slush Mug

Here's the cold facts:

• Makes drinks into slush in MERE minutes (wih some stirring, after you've frozen the glacier core of the mug for approximately 6 hours)
• Non-toxic materials for safe drinking
• Slushified drink will last up to two hours
• Glacier Core will last for up to five years: after that, it transforms into another mug for the cupboard
• May or may not be dishwasher safe
• Will work with milk, coffee and even pureed fruits
• May even work with urine
  

Sure, you could try this

But it looks boring and difficult to store, and it's more expensive, though it doesn't have a six hour incubation period.

You could run to 7-11 and get a slurpee for $0.99 and call all your friends and tell them the joke, but that would make you a dick.



Overall score: 85%
Justification: Frozen coffee plus cost-benefit analysis makes this a winner

The hardest part in making the vodka is getting the pig drunk

There is a lot of bacon flavored nonsense out there:

Toothpicks

Jellybeans

Gummy candy

Gumballs

Air-fresheners

Mints

Bacon Salt (wins the irony award for being vegetarian and kosher)

and, sadly, bacon flavored dental floss (I note that there is also an ironic cupcake flavor!)

but vodka??!!INTERROBANG!!?? HAS TO take the cake. WHY WHOULD YOU THINK OF THAT?

Almost as disturbing as its very existence is the fact that it's taken seriously, and they have recipes to boot... Bakon Chocolate Martini? YUM.

Did someone drop their sandwich in the distillery? Fuck it, we'll make bacon vodka, and we'll spell bakon with k to be trendy and consistent.

Overall score: Confusion

Title -- kudos to Conan

Catch Up, Mustard Relish, Don't Get Left Behind

The makers of French's Mustard made the following recent statement:

We at the French's Company wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship, between our mustard and the country of France. Indeed, our mustard is manufactured in Rochester, NY. The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow.

Only if you are an American would you think to shoot your food after it's already dead, and yet this product comes to us via the United Kingdom -- available here. (I still predict a lot of sales in Texas)

IMHO, there is a humility in the old-fashioned, un-labelled red and yellow condiment dispensers that has been left behind in this product. Where the tradtional dispensers conjure up images of an outdoor barbecue or picnic (see related product)...

... the condiment gun proffers no such tranquility.

Food fights? Obviously, the gun boasts a psychological edge, but whether its range and accuracy can match or better the traditional dispensers is another question.

The loading process looks cumbersome, and if the gun jams on you, you could be left with some pretty ordinary food.

Overall score: 67%

Justification: Still waiting for the super soaker version

Title a riff on Monkberry Moon Delight

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love

Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter?
A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth!

Wawaweewa...

This is phenomenal because every time I eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, I don't just eat it, I savour it, some might say I make out with it. Now I can get all the delicious flavor of Reese's Peanut Butter and real enjoyment of making out and none of the calories, ba-dum-ching!

There are some caveats that consumers should be aware of, for example, it might not be safe for anaphylactics with a severe nut/peanut allergy. You might be so overtaken by the smell that you unwittingly consume the entire stick of balm. You might be overtaken by this product's powers and rub the balm/gloss all over your body in an attempt to emulate the perfection of Resse's Peanut Butter products.

Hershey has a whole line of lip products for their chocolate and candy (including Twizzlers). I've also seen lip balm in Nesquik, Twinkie and Ding Dong flavors... watchout!

Overall score: 20 million
20 million what: Yeah, it's frickin amazing

Title from Charles M Schulz

And a title runner up: If you don't mind smelling like peanut butter for two or three days, peanut butter is darn good shaving cream -- Barry Goldwater

I like my coffee... crisp?

I may spend a little time on this one because it is a violation of something sacred.

I can never resist trying a variation of an old favorite, like new chocolate bar flavors etc. Naturally, this looked like a must; I was going to buy a Tim Horton's Iced Cap anyway, so I thought I may as well give this Frosty-cino a try instead.

If they had just pured hot coffee over a chocolate frosty, it would have been a lot better. This tastes like a dead bird's ass. That does not taste very good.

Because it's still ice cream, it's not the worst thing you'll ever have, but Wendy's really rushed this product through quality control. Remember when frosties were our friend?

You might have noticed there have been several Frosty variations abound in the past several months. In the fall of 2008, we were introduced to their version of the McFlurry -- Twisted Frosties -- and these are delectable at worst. More recently, we've seen their "hand spun" Frosties in chocolate fudge, vanilla bean and strawberry flavors. I don't know what's hand spun about it, I didn't see anyone operating a churn behind the register; none the less, these get strong enough marks. They also brought out a Frosty float; it tastes like any other float, which is good, but I'm not sure what's so special about it. This F-cino, however, really caps off the descent of the Frosty. Dear Wendy's: Get this product off the market before you ruin Frosties for everybody. My body cannot wait to excrete this.

There's also the Coffee Toffee, if you like little hard bits of toffee in your frosty rather than whipped cream and chocolate drizzle, but otherwise no different than a Frosty-cino.

Here is someone with the opposite view.

I think it's the girl from Superbad, but I'm not sure. She needs to get a clue because someone clearly just shot a poison tipped arrow into her brain.

If you needed more reason not to get one of these, here's some nutritional info on the Frosty-cino.

The good old days of Frosties are gone. We need to get back to basics.

Overall score: 50%
Justification: It tastes like an dead bird's ass, but hey, it's still a Frosty

Title from 1980's Coffee Crisp ad campaign