The ironing is delicious

Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None—the lightbulb has to want to change

Help the environment, screw it in ironically, light it and place it above your head when you think of something brilliant -- it's the light bulb candle.

Currently on sale for $17, seems a little expensive, but you can't put a price on ironic effect.

Overall score: 71%

Justification: We now know a thousand ways not to build a light bulb." -Thomas Edison

Title a la Bartholomew Jojo Simpson

Support Iran

No humor in this post, but I do draw your attention to two interesting tshirts available online.

social media -- facebook, youtube and most of all in this case twitter -- are really blurring the line between news provider and audience in response to the impugned Iran election. Say what you will about twitter acting as a foundation for the protest vs. the protest acting as a foundation for twitter. These Iran election tshirts capture that symbiosis, but also promote an allegiance with the protesters. Yet, it's unclear and doesn't seem likely that the proceeds from these Mousavi products and other merchandise in support of the Iranian people are going to aid the protesters

Butt What?

A Belch is just one gust of wind,
That cometh from thy Heart...
But should it take the downward trend,
It turns into a Fart!

Presenting Subtle Butt, aka The Tex-Mex Antidote, aka Breathe-Right Down Under, aka Nazi Gas Chamber, to be used in combination with Hitler Underwear, below (too far?).

According to the manufacturer, "simply stick it in the right place and you're ready for a chili cook-off. " Might be a good idea to double pad.

How long lasting is this massi-pad? Depends on your diet

What do you do with used pads? Leave them under your roommate's pillow

How badly do you need this product? If you have to think about it, you probably need it

Can it be used as a gas mask? No, tell your friends to squeeze tighter

Overall score: 65%

Justification: It's very close to a piece of crap

The Slushie Guru

Q: Why did the dick go to the 7-11?

A: To get a slurpee

Make off colored jokes, like the above, obsolete with product that will slushify naturally sugared (ie non-diet) beverages -- the Slush Mug

Here's the cold facts:

• Makes drinks into slush in MERE minutes (wih some stirring, after you've frozen the glacier core of the mug for approximately 6 hours)
• Non-toxic materials for safe drinking
• Slushified drink will last up to two hours
• Glacier Core will last for up to five years: after that, it transforms into another mug for the cupboard
• May or may not be dishwasher safe
• Will work with milk, coffee and even pureed fruits
• May even work with urine
  

Sure, you could try this

But it looks boring and difficult to store, and it's more expensive, though it doesn't have a six hour incubation period.

You could run to 7-11 and get a slurpee for $0.99 and call all your friends and tell them the joke, but that would make you a dick.



Overall score: 85%
Justification: Frozen coffee plus cost-benefit analysis makes this a winner

The hardest part in making the vodka is getting the pig drunk

There is a lot of bacon flavored nonsense out there:

Toothpicks

Jellybeans

Gummy candy

Gumballs

Air-fresheners

Mints

Bacon Salt (wins the irony award for being vegetarian and kosher)

and, sadly, bacon flavored dental floss (I note that there is also an ironic cupcake flavor!)

but vodka??!!INTERROBANG!!?? HAS TO take the cake. WHY WHOULD YOU THINK OF THAT?

Almost as disturbing as its very existence is the fact that it's taken seriously, and they have recipes to boot... Bakon Chocolate Martini? YUM.

Did someone drop their sandwich in the distillery? Fuck it, we'll make bacon vodka, and we'll spell bakon with k to be trendy and consistent.

Overall score: Confusion

Title -- kudos to Conan

How do ninjas raise their children?

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk. Did he tell you what caliber to get?" asked the clerk." "Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesnt even know that I am going to shoot him!""

It'd probably be a whole lot cooler if it was a 007 brand and you could wake up to the "I'm James Bond and I just shot an evil foreigner" music.

Still, the concept is cool: set the alarm like it's a normal alarm clock, sleep with a plastic gun under your pillow, and when you want to shoot your alarm clock at 7am because the noise makes you cringe, just grab your piece and pop a cap in the clock, figuratively speaking -- hit the bullseye to shut off the alarm.

Rude awakening, meet Nintendo Entertainment System's popular game of enduring legacy, Duck Hunt. (Duck Hunt, meet rude awakening).

Even more impressive is that the designers built on the basic concept by allowing different modes, as illustrated in this helpful video.

It costs about the same as Duck Hunt did when it came out in the 1980s, but it does come in three colors.

Overall score: 75%

Justification: Good, expensive and slightly kitsch, but good

Catch Up, Mustard Relish, Don't Get Left Behind

The makers of French's Mustard made the following recent statement:

We at the French's Company wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship, between our mustard and the country of France. Indeed, our mustard is manufactured in Rochester, NY. The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow.

Only if you are an American would you think to shoot your food after it's already dead, and yet this product comes to us via the United Kingdom -- available here. (I still predict a lot of sales in Texas)

IMHO, there is a humility in the old-fashioned, un-labelled red and yellow condiment dispensers that has been left behind in this product. Where the tradtional dispensers conjure up images of an outdoor barbecue or picnic (see related product)...

... the condiment gun proffers no such tranquility.

Food fights? Obviously, the gun boasts a psychological edge, but whether its range and accuracy can match or better the traditional dispensers is another question.

The loading process looks cumbersome, and if the gun jams on you, you could be left with some pretty ordinary food.

Overall score: 67%

Justification: Still waiting for the super soaker version

Title a riff on Monkberry Moon Delight